On many days, I have repeated myself; told you the same story, the same words over and over again like you never heard them before because I just really wanted to keep talking to you.
On other days, I have exploded inside with those words, pretended to tell myself my own stories because I was unable to talk to you. Because we were both sulking and broody over trivia and it’s relatives.
On those days, I have prayed for a sooner sunset. For the sun to go down on that day and wipe it off the memory of the universe, as I awaited the innocence of the morning.
But today, I will repeat myself; tell you the same story, the same words over and over again like you never heard them before because I just really want to keep talking to you.
….that was real sweet Nicholas Sparks, real sweet.
Date check: Sunday 26th June 2016. I am under house arrest for a few days in an unknown location; not as if secret, but well, i haven’t mentioned where i am yet otherwise I could easily be found if one wanted to. Don’t ask me for details but just so you know, if I were discovered by a certain group of people, my near future would come crumbling down in uncollectable debris or like the murderous mudslides of Bududa. Not like a joke.
Like most people my age, this is the most critical time of my life when I am most concerned about what happens tomorrow at my desk, while on duty, etcetera because it basically makes me who i will be “tomorrow”.
Anyhow, I can’t sleep in, or I’d feel like a lazy bum. So i reach over my bed to find my phone that spent all night plugged into the socket to recharge. I winced at the thought of the pain it must have felt; being force-fed beyond what it could take. I knew deep down that one day it would completely resent me, stop feeding, and eventually leave me for 6 feet under. I wouldn’t weep, but take a deep breath and start the long holiday from the noisy pop-up notifications.
When I find my phone, i pick up from where I left off the last time I read. Now, i am reading books using my phone; i will tell you how I got them in the story next, they’re over 30. I haven’t got into the habit of buying books yet, (but my children gon get served books for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Granted) and having my temporarily-owned computer crashed, phone’s in handy. So don’t be thinking i am addicted to social media when I’m looking down at my phone all day. And away from people…ambivert alert.
I begin to read for a while, and the book prematurely comes to its end. Yes. It actually leaves me hanging but i am thinking that maybe there was nothing more left to do. Landon loved with all his heart, Jamie lived with all that she was and there was nothing Hegbert or I, could do if not further the already sad situation. Although, i must say that was real sweet Nicholas Sparks, real sweet.
The hunger pangs have kicked in. This is the worst possible moment of being under house arrest, i tell you. I finally find breakfast, a very awkward breakfast… Even spinsters live better than I do sometimes.
Between the weird breakfast, i was writing this post, about what kind of book(s) i have just read and why i love reading them…
Dear Person of mine,
I was staring at you the other day. Your eyes shone like they were bedazzled with tiny little diamonds. They were lovingly bright, and yet strong and firm; I felt safer than Obama. And then you smiled. Your teeth were so perfect, I don’t think I want to smile ever again because I wouldn’t make any sense. But in that moment, you looked extraordinary.
I was transfixed. I could have stayed there, in that seat all my life but then we’d starve. So then we took a walk to find some good food, and you took my hand in yours; I thought the world should end already. What more did I want? Or rather need? No…I sure need a few more things, but I got all I wanted. And all i wanted was right there taking a firm grip of my little hand. You didn’t let my hand go when we had to walk either side of a huge manhole because I had absent mindedly decided to go the other side. I thought that was really sweet.
We found some good food, and even you, felt that those chairs were uncomfortably far from each other. The table was large. So you moved yours close to mine. Close enough for us to touch shoulders each time we laughed as we shared a pizza. I caught you staring a few times, with a little smirk on your lips and I didn’t want to ask what you were thinking because it was your moment, in your mind, and I wanted it kept there for you.
We got up and left to God knows where (at that time) because we just wanted to keep walking. You could not say that goodbyes and see you laters were not your best parts of our days, but I could see it. So I let you keep taking me to God knows where. And when one rugged man tried to grab my arm, you dangerously glared at him so hard it made me smile. When usually that situation would get me raging mad. You wanted to take the long way to my taxis because it just wasn’t the time to part yet. But part we did, and I sat next to the window and watched you wait for the taxi to set off. It finally did, and you kept looking, as we sped into the distance.
I love that you are who you are. I love that you are a person of mine.
Till I see you.
Yours to keep,
Person of yours.
I adore the man,
My first love
To give everything could seem enough,
But yet perfect love is immeasurable.
I love this man,
He first loved me then fixed me.
He didn’t just tell but showed
That there is more to unconditional
Than what the oxford told.
I owed this man.
Because he lost so I could win,
So i gave him my heart.
And then I won another man,
One after the other man’s heart.
This other man;
The blessing of my first love,
The knight in every armour,
Pitched camp at my castle
And re-set a rhythm some place beyond my ribcage.
This other man;
He loves with the strength of Samson,
And leads with the wisdom of Solomon.
My fear bids farewell in this perfection.
Because perfect love casts out fear.